A woman’s confession on the eve of her nuptials causes uproar in this insouciantly offensive provocation from the director of Dream Scenario

• This review contains spoilers

How much of your past should you reveal to your adorable fiance before the big day? Very tricky issues are probably best avoided in the run-up to the ceremony, but can still be recklessly raised by attractively naive young people who assume the worms surely can’t be that big or plentiful – or difficult to get back into the can.

Such a situation is the centre of this contrived but amusing high-concept, high-anxiety movie from Norwegian director Kristoffer Borgli; a Euro-satire of American bourgeois aspiration that sets out to discomfit and excruciate in the spirit of Ruben Östlund’s Force Majeure or Thomas Vinterberg’s Festen.

Clustered together in the area of Cheetham Hill are more than 50 shops specialising in vapes and vaping paraphernalia. How can they all make a living – and for how much longer?

I meet Ali outside his tiny wholesale business, Fly Vape – the store name combined with the image of a vape bookended by angel wings appears on the shopfront. In place of a halo is a cloud of vapour. The softly spoken 40-year-old says that working in the vape trade is “OK, better than nothing”. He opened Fly Vape just over two years ago, selling vaping products to small retailers such as convenience stores. Candy-coloured boxes bursting with fruity flavours line the shelves, although body sprays, soft drinks and a plentiful selection of bongs are available too. His customers come “from all around the UK”, he says, although he names only “Leeds, Bradford, Hull”. He shrugs at the fact that, compared with his neighbours, his sales are modest. He is not one of the “big men” here, he grins.

Ali’s store is in Cheetham Hill, Manchester, where two adjoining litter-strewn back streets near Manchester prison (formerly Strangeways) have emerged as a surprising industry hub in recent years. Ali’s is one of more than 50 outlets specialising in vapes and their accompanying products in an area that has been dubbed Britain’s “vape capital”. Most appear to be wholesalers; there are few passersby and some doors bear signs stating “trade only”, “not open to the public”.

Today, the space around Earth can no longer be considered empty. More than 30,000 objects are in orbit, and that figure is rising exponentially

Some reports suggest that by the end of this decade there could more than 60,000 active satellites in space. Launch by launch, what began with a handful of scientific and military spacecraft has accelerated into a constant flow of objects, publicly and privately owned, placed into different orbital lanes, each serving a variety of purposes.

There is now a diverse collection of satellites spinning around the globe, ​including communication​ and weather ​satellites​, navigation satellites and Earth observation technology that takes images of the surface.

It costs the UK economy £700m a year, and criminal gangs are operating with near impunity. Every time a lorry gets robbed, raided or hijacked, it’s Mike Dawber who investigates

In August 2021, Mike Dawber, the UK’s leading detective in cargo crime, got a call from officers in Bradford CID. They were planning to search two warehouses that contained, in their words, an awful lot of suspicious goods. This was a job that required Dawber’s expert eye. He drove an hour from his home, in the unmarked police car that doubles as his office, and arrived to discover the description barely did it justice.

As soon as he walked in to the first warehouse, he noticed 17 pallets of golfing equipment. They had, he knew, been stolen three weeks before from a truck at Lymm motorway services, just outside Manchester. He reckoned they were worth about £1m. As Dawber continued his survey, he came across 18 pallets of Asics trainers, stolen three years before, at Warwick services. Then 14 pallets of lawnmowers: five years before, from a truck on the A1 at Colsterworth. He came across IT equipment, sportswear, high-end fashion, electrical goods, toasters, microwaves, beauty products. One pallet was simply labelled “Eyelash technology”. Dawber didn’t know what eyelash technology was, exactly, but he later learned that a pallet of it was worth more than £500,000.

The R&B singer’s must-read autobiography candidly describes a life of heady highs and horrific lows

Despite a 30 years-plus discography and a slew of undeniable classics (Sittin’ Up in My Room, The Boy Is Mine, modern R&B blueprint What About Us?) and deep cuts feted by the likes of Solange, Kehlani and Normani, there’s a sense that Brandy, the fan-anointed Vocal Bible, is still underrated. Her vividly told and occasionally harrowing memoir, Phases, co-written alongside Gerrick Kennedy and out on Tuesday, goes some way to explaining why that might be.

As well as detailing her formative years in Mississippi and later California, where she learned her trade singing in church choirs and at youth groups, and later her meteoric rise as a teenage superstar, Phases paints a picture of a young woman whose insecurities were often exposed and abused by others. It also spotlights issues around duty of care in the music industry; in 1999, while nursing an addiction to diet pills, and juggling her role on the hit teen sitcom Moesha with a relentless recording and touring schedule, Brandy suffered a nervous breakdown at the age of just 20.

Ranging from quantum mechanics to eating disorders to the nature of fiction, this is a breathtaking interrogation of family, connection and memory

Transcription ends with an epilogue. It’s a letter, or at least an extract from a letter, written by Leopold Blaschka, a 19th-century Bohemia-born artist who, with his son Rudolf, crafted intricate and breathtakingly realistic models of flowers, plants and sea creatures made out of glass. So astounding was their technique, so uncanny, that sceptics assumed they must be using secret devices. “It is not so,” he insisted. “We have the touch. My son Rudolf has more than I have because he is my son and the touch increases in every generation.” Until this point, Blaschka hasn’t been referenced by name even once. But here, in coda form, is the essence of Transcription, a novel about touch, devices and familial inheritances that is itself intricate, uncanny, sometimes breathtakingly realistic.

It begins with a middle-aged American narrator travelling to Providence, Rhode Island, home to Brown University, where Ben Lerner studied poetry and political theory as an undergraduate. He is there to conduct a magazine interview with a polymathic German intellectual named Thomas. No ordinary assignment: Thomas was his mentor at college, the father of his friend Max, and now, at the age of 90, this conversation is expected to be his last will and testament. At the hotel, bathos strikes – the narrator drops his smartphone in a sink; it’s unusable and he’s too embarrassed to confess. Thomas soon gets into his conversational stride, but his rich sentences go unrecorded.

The secretary of war said the US is continuing its campaign against Iran and added that troops want to ‘finish the mission’

Saudi Arabia’s defence ministry has said it has intercepted and destroyed ten drones over the past hours, and eight missiles launched towards the Riyadh area and the country’s eastern region.

Early this morning Kuwait said its air defences were responding to hostile missile and drone attacks. Neither Saudi Arabia nor Kuwait said where the drones or missiles came from.

Iran attacked and set ablaze a fully loaded crude oil tanker off Dubai. Local authorities later said response teams contained the incident with no oil leakage and that no injuries had been reported

Donald Trump warned that the US would obliterate Iran’s energy plants and oil wells if it did not open the strait of Hormuz.

The Israeli military said four soldiers had been killed in combat in southern Lebanon, where its forces are clashing with Iran-backed Hezbollah.

Two giant Chinese container ships have sailed through the strait of Hormuz on their second attempt to leave the Gulf after turning back on Friday, ship-tracking data shows. The transit signals a diplomatic breakthrough between Beijing and Tehran as Iran widens its list of approved nations for transiting the vital route, Lloyd’s List reported.

Indonesia’s foreign minister called for an emergency UN security council meeting and a thorough investigation” into a “heinous attack” after three UN peacekeepers from Indonesia were killed in southern Lebanon.

Blasts were heard in Tehran and power cuts hit some areas of the capital, Iranian media reported on Tuesday. Israel earlier carried out missile strikes on what it called military infrastructure in Tehran and infrastructure used by Hezbollah in Beirut.

Japan and Indonesia agreed to step up coordination on energy security, Japanese PM Sanae Takaichi said on Tuesday.

Two Iranian missile launches targeted central Israel, Israeli media reported, with the emergency service saying it had not received reports of any injuries.

Turkey reported a ballistic missile launched from Iran had entered Turkish airspace before being shot down by Nato air and missile defences.

An earlier summary of key developments is here.

The US president made the remarks on social media in pointed remarks at allies who haven’t militarily supported the war on Iran

Q: What do you make of the suggestion that Donald Trump could end the Iran war without securing the strait of Hormuz? Or do you think he should finish the job?

Farage replies:

I don’t think we should take literally anything right now that Donald Trump says … And then the last thing he’s going to do, or the last thing his colleagues in the White House are going to do, is to give the Iranians any idea of what their true intentions are.

Was it to remove nuclear capability? Was it aimed at regime change? I don’t think any of us quite know the absolute truth about that.

The problem is any third party inquiry is a waste of space unless you can subpoena police officers, social services, civil servants who were all part of turning the collective blind eye. And I think everything this government has done on this issue is an attempt to literally kick the can down the road, to not fully open this up.

Ex-Radio 2 presenter reportedly investigated over claims relating to teenager but case closed due to lack of evidence

Scott Mills was questioned over allegations of serious sexual offences against a boy under 16 in 2018 but the case was later closed due to lack of evidence, it has emerged after he was sacked with immediate effect.

Mills, who hosted Britain’s most popular radio breakfast show on BBC Radio 2, was taken off the air last week, and on Monday the BBC announced his contract had been terminated.

PM says union’s decision to reject deal for extra training posts and 7.1% pay rise without putting it to members in England is ‘reckless’

• UK politics live – latest updates

Keir Starmer has threatened to withdraw an offer of thousands of extra NHS training posts if resident doctors in England do not call off a six-day strike after Easter.

The prime minister has given the doctors’ union, the British Medical Association, 48 hours to ditch its plans for industrial action or the government will pull the current offer from the table.