Joy is unbounded and when it dies down perhaps the guilty will be held to account for cheating and facilitation: perhaps they won’t. Still, enjoy the moment

Oh dear. Such a shame to see the US lose at football after their insanely embarrassing president cheated for them. Still, it really brought the world together. The last time this many people cheered on a Belgian resistance, it was 1914 and the Germans had just crossed the Meuse. As you’ll be aware, the USA were dumped out of their own World Cup on Monday night by a wholly superior Belgium, after Donald Trump boasted that he’d personally intervened in three phone calls with Fifa president Gianni Infantino to get the red card shown to USA striker Folarin Balogun rescinded. Yes, the US cheats at football. Pass it on.

You’ve heard a lot about shithousery during this tournament. We have even, excruciatingly, seen a few American commentators attempt to use the word in conversation. Guys, please, just – no. It’s not for you. You have ’erbs, “a couple things”, and “a ways to go”. But let’s call the events of the past few days by the name they deserve in all the languages of the world: Whitehousery.

Marina Hyde is a Guardian columnist

Many of the millions who turned out for funeral wanted to show their opposition the killing of their leader, regardless of their broader views of the regime

As the multipurpose, multinational funeral of Iran’s former supreme leader Ali Khamenei moved to the Jamkaran mosque in the holy city of Qom, and then to Najaf in Iraq, Iran’s leadership was weighing the mandate it had been given by the millions who have taken to the streets of Tehran over the past three days.

Some hailed the moment as a referendum from the streets showing support for the clerical establishment, and called for the strategy of confrontation with the west to be intensified. Others said it was more about a wider national pride that was conditional on demands for change and an end to the war being met.

The author of Orangeboy, Indigo Donut and Is That Your Mama? plans to use her two-year term to ensure children isolated from reading get involved

When Patrice Lawrence got the call asking her to become the UK’s next children’s laureate, her first response was disbelief. “I was in absolute shock,” she says, laughing. She is only just beginning to process what it means to join a lineage that includes Jacqueline Wilson, Quentin Blake, Michael Rosen, Julia Donaldson, Malorie Blackman and, most recently, Frank Cottrell-Boyce.

“So many people who’ve gone before have had such an influence on my life,” she says. “Without Jacqueline Wilson, I wouldn’t write the kind of books that I do. She was such a trailblazer in social realism for children. And Malorie … well, Malorie only needs one name.”

The collision was catastrophic. Jane Ouartsi suffered a fractured collarbone, two spinal fractures, a broken femur that took three operations to fix, and she had to learn to walk again like a baby. Why has no one taken responsibility for her life-changing injuries?

As Jane Ouartsi walked across a pedestrianised square in central London, on a Friday evening in early August three years ago, she linked arms with her partner, Dave Mathias, and told him how much she had enjoyed the afternoon they had spent together, eating pizza in Soho and visiting an art installation. It was the last time she can remember feeling properly happy and relaxed.

“We were walking quite slowly, talking about the art. It’s hard to remember exactly, but I think I was saying what a lovely lunch, and then all of a sudden there was a horrific impact,” she says. “I felt my spine and body split and I thought my life was over.”

I joined Marilyn Monroe, Walter White, Ozzy Osbourne and other tribute artists on a cruise where imitation is its own art form

INT. DECK 7, LE CABARET ROUGE, 11.37pm

Frank Sinatra, palming a can of Sprite in one hand and the fist of his beautiful red-headed wife in the other, sat in a dark corner across from Jeff Bezos, who looked like he was waiting for him to say something. But Sinatra said nothing. He’d been mostly quiet all evening, and now in this cabaret he seemed even more distant, staring out past fog and strobe and Bezos’s strong bald head and into the large room where at least half a dozen men had basically shattered a bistro table trying to get a better look at Marilyn Monroe. Sinatra’s wife knew, as did Roy Orbison and Austin Powers, who stood nearby, that it was only minutes before he was supposed to go onstage, and that forcing any sort of conversation on him in this mood of focus would be extremely stupid.

The scientific consensus is that burning fossil fuels drives the climate crisis, yet the world’s biggest oil companies are planning to increase production

As the world swelters in ever more dangerous heat, why are oil companies being allowed to turn up the gas instead of paying for the consequences of their greed?

That ought to be the question on everyone’s minds amid baking heat domes over much of the northern hemisphere, temperature records being smashed day after day, children dying in locked cars, hospitals filling with heatstroke victims and emergency services tackling wildfires.

Reform UK leader to stand again, saying people of Clacton ‘should be the judges of my actions’ and party will cover byelection cost

Q: Do you think the parliamentary commissioner for standards should investigate Nigel Farage’s gifts from George Cottrell?

Badenoch said that was a matter for the commissioner.

[Farage is] hinting at press regulation. For all of the criticism and the attacks, and I would even say abuse that I’ve got from the press, I’ve never once recommended curbing our free press. I think this is one of the amazing things about this country.

I would be very worried about a Reform government using government power to control the press. I don’t think that that would be right.

Duke of Sussex and other prominent figures could face legal bill of up to £50m after ruling in high court

• Prince Harry court case - latest updates

The Duke of Sussex and six other prominent figures have lost their case against the publisher of the Daily Mail over claims it sourced stories using an array of unlawful methods over two decades.

In an emphatic ruling that is likely to signal an end to new litigation relating to the phone-hacking scandal, the high court dismissed all the group’s claims, stating the claimants had not proved any information had been obtained unlawfully.

Exclusive: health groups call on expected next PM to rip up agreement, which analysis suggests could lead to 229,000 excess deaths by 2036

• UK politics live – latest updates

Andy Burnham is being urged to scrap the UK-US trade deal on medicines as health organisations and doctors’ groups warn it is dangerous and prioritises pharmaceutical company profits over the lives of NHS patients.

Ministers have defended the agreement, signed last December, as a way of helping British drug exports to the US avoid tariffs and giving patients access to potentially life-extending drugs that would otherwise be denied.

Court shortens electoral ban but custodial sentence could complicate far-right leader’s campaign hopes

A French court of appeal has upheld Marine Le Pen’s ⁠conviction ⁠for embezzling European parliament funds but shortened her ban ⁠on running for elected office, potentially reopening a narrow path for the far-right ​leader ‌to run ‌in the 2027 presidential race.

However, ‌the court also handed Le Pen a three-year jail term, with two years suspended and one year in which she must wear ​an electronic ankle tag for monitoring. This could make a presidential campaign politically ⁠and logistically difficult.